Lost and Found

Today was a crazy day.  I am going to do my best to fill you in and document it so I remember.  Our only outing today was a scheduled visit to Grace's orphanage (called the Social Welfare Institute) that she grew up in.  By scheduled, I mean, "you will be here at 10 and leave at 10:30."  OK, we will take what we can get.  They (orphanage) actually tried to talk us out of it but we persisted with kindness that it was very important to us and to four other families waiting back in the states to come and get their children.  We were sent with pleas for pictures and any information that we could get.  So, we started out after our huge breakfast!  We are so thankful for that meal..honestly, we are always thankful for food but in this city that is lacking anything at all normal for us, we eat!  Our kids load up 2-4 plates of eggs, bacon, doughnuts, pastry, yogurt....they love it!  None of us are really all that hungry the rest of the day and we did manage to find some serious ramen noodle type dishes that are on steroids...we love them and could easily survive the next few days.  Oh, and dove chocolate and chips....who could ask for anything more! :)

So, we start out and get to Grace's city.  Sort of like an urban village, less high rise flats and more neighborhood feel.  Neighborhood as in urban China...not like anything I have ever seen.  We get stuck at a railroad crossing for what seemed to be an hour.  This was stressing our guide and driver and he did all sorts of illegal moves in the van trying to get us there on time.  This was the very first time that I have grabbed Cory's arm on this trip.  I didn't fear my life, but feared that we would wreck the van and be delayed longer.  We were up on sidewalks, taking out small trees...at one point our driver tried to move cement barriers so we could illegally u-turn.  Not only were we stuck at this crossing but we were also lost.  Lost but surrounded by people and trucks and dust and dirt and trash and bikes...I wish I could describe it better but it was surreal.  Cory asked me in the van if I knew who he feels like everytime we go out in China.  I said I didn't but thought in my head, "Watchman Nee?"  "Hudson Taylor?"  Nope.  Jason Bourne.  I laughed hard.  I don't need a Matt Damon character...I feel completely safe with who I've got.  I know he could go "crazy eyes" if need be.

In the midst of the chaos, I know Cory was praying...I could hear him under his breath but he was also laughing.  The whole thing was completely crazy.  Grace was sleeping and eating snacks the whole time and the other two were completely oblivious...although Carter did asked why the same train kept going and coming back to the station (my thoughts too...very confusing).  After almost taking out some elderly men on their bikes and several u-turns back to the same point, AND after asking several locals where the orphanage even was, we arrived.  I knew we had arrived from pictures I had seen.


A few typical views on the way there

Cuddling up with dad on the way

Carter and Claire at the entrance to the orphanage

Another photo of the front

Mom before we go in

I had decided to carry Grace in the baby carrier strapped to me to see the orphanage.  I don't know if I was just feeling protective....she is young but able to know surroundings and people.  When we arrived, our guide went to find her abandonment records and the orphanage director showed us a nanny who cared for Grace at one time.  She was very sweet and obviously fond of Grace.  Several women were...they all knew her and said how clever and loving she was.  Many reached for her and I was so glad she was strapped to me and I felt my arms go around her tighter.  We were allowed to see her classroom/play space and then her "bedroom."  Please know that I am going to be specific as possible here.  Grace's orphanage is likely one of the best government run institutions in the area.  Her building caters to special needs children and the nanny's seem so loving and to truly care about the children.  In her playspace, there were 4 special needs children at a table being helped with their lunch.  The walls were white and the floor was stark.  All of the children had obvious special needs and the nanny's spoke with us through one woman who could speak a little English about their love for Grace.  Carter looked at me at one point and said, "Mom, this breaks my heart."  Mine too.  We both had tears in our eyes that we were trying to make go away by smiling a lot.  Cory was taking pictures and video of one sweet boy named Gideon who is going home to his mama and daddy soon.  We then were escorted into the "bedroom."  Lines of cribs with blanket and pillow and a small play space.  Cribs with babies.  Quiet babies whose eyes lit up and smiled when we peered in.


Grace's "old" bed and bedroom (stealth photos)

Lunchtime inside; Gideon is at the head of the table

I don't really consider myself to be an advocate for adoption.  I tend to advocate for people in general but feel that everyone can listen for the call on their hearts as to where they are led.  For some, it is the adoption path.  I don't believe that adoption is for everyone, just like I don't believe that currently in my life I am called to other needs or charities that are vital and valuable.  I think that people in general are to help one another and listen for which direction to do so.  We just felt very clearly led down this path.  I don't consider myself to be a huge voice for orphans...there are many who do that better than me.  But here is my voice today.  No baby should have to grow up in an orphanage, no matter how nice it is.  I can barely type right now thinking about it.  It will be forever etched in my mind and no matter how many surgeries Grace has to have to give her a chance at normal, she is better off out of there.  I could barely stand to be in the room because everything in me wanted to get those babies and take them to homes and families.  To get the little boy out who was waving at us from a barred window 5 floors high.  To get the children we weren't aloud to see.  I would urge you, if you can't adopt and don't feel called to it, please help others who do.  Help foster children, orphans; it doesn't have to be China but children need a family.  Adoption is a daunting process and an extremely expensive one, so if you can't do it, consider aiding someone who can.  Or supporting organizations that support orphans.  We wouldn't be here without the help of others.   After seeing that room today I am forever changed.  No child should live like that.  No child should have to.  It is one of the most heart breaking scenes that I have ever encountered.  It gave perspective as we sit over here in China and worry about what it will take to give Grace a normal nose and mouth.  Her cleft is serious.  Some parts are there but in the wrong place.  Some are missing.  We know there are some saintly and skilled doctors for her to see soon after we get home, but there is so much unknown.  Today we left saying, "Who cares."  She is better off with us and better off out of there.

We were then escorted outside and met two little angels who will get their families soon.  We had asked to take pictures and they were the sweetest.  One little 8 year old girl who was so very sweet.  8 years there and she goes home soon.  Thank you God.

These 2 would be quick friends.  She is going home soon.

Then, we left.  Got lost some more and ended up in a "neighborhood" street which we were glad we were able to see.  Finally, on our way out of the city.  I asked our guide what Grace's abandonment records said.  We knew she was left but until today we had no details.  Our guide began to read, "left on the street, with a bottle with milk made in it for her, and some clothes."  At this point, I began to weep.  I could not stop.  Left on the street sounds terrible and it is but it was her best shot at being found quickly by the police.  A baby on a busy street gets picked up soon.  Left with a made bottle and clothes says that her birth parents loved her, cared about her, and wanted to give her a chance.  I am so glad I get to tell Grace that one day.  I kept apologizing to the guide and driver because they looked concerned over the blubbering mess that I was.  I tried to explain but the guide seemed to get it.  She said the birth parents would be glad that I got her, because I am a good mom with a good heart.  That was a kind sentiment and I only hope that we can honor Grace and her birth parents with how we raise her and love her.  I am so glad that this crazy day is etched in my mind and in Cory's and in the minds of Carter and Claire.  They are glad we found her.



Here are her aunties