Teshuvah

A dear friend of mine recently gave me a prayer book to borrow called "Teshuvah - Make Ready for the Lord a People Prepared."  Designed to coincide with Jewish holidays like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, it is a call to personal individual prayer and prayer on behalf of our nation.  Teshuvah is a Hebrew word that means to "return and repent."  Of all the things to be drawn to upon returning home with a newly adopted baby, this was calling out to me.  I'm a little late, due to the passing of those Jewish holidays in the specific "fall" time of year, thus missing the "appointed" time for Repentance.  Yet, I am immensely thankful to be in a Teshuvah mindset right before the celebration of the first coming of Jesus.  To be prepared for it in a different way than I have before.  I actually had the thought,  "Why would I be drawn to this book and beat myself up even more in this transition time in our family?"  But, that is some old school religious sounding questioning that just isn't true.  I used to operate out of it...very good at "hiding" and repenting or "tip toeing" away and repenting or "keeping a safe distance" and repenting.  The truth is, returning is the best part of Teshuvah and to turn away from the anvil weight of sin before God is the only real refreshment.  Again, why do this now?  Don't I have enough to worry about?  Yeah, thus the need!  I thought I was pretty selfless and patient, until I brought home a new little person that I had to WORK to get to like me.  A mental and emotional "ON" button 24/7 to try and meet her where she is at.  To be totally OK and patient in the midst of a tantrum or understand that it is "normal" when I see behaviors indicative of a child who was impoverished.  One afternoon in our first week home, all of that stuff clogged itself together like rotten scraps in a pipe and I realized it didn't belong and that I didn't want it there.  Ahhhh, the need for Teshuvah.  God, I'm so sorry that this "stuff" was starting to come out.  I need you to clear the drain.  I don't want it there.  Thank you for showing me that it was.  I didn't realize.  Thank you for loving me enough to be clogged up for a bit so you could clean it out.  I need your Holy Spirit deposit of patience, wisdom and great love.  There is a deficit that I need you and you alone to fill.  It is so sweet to return.


Returning is a word that has been forefront in my mind.  I watch sweet Grace all day for her to return to me.  We are being meticulous about her schedule, her routine and her little world in order to establish her sense of safety and constancy.  She explores and investigates, but my heart leaps a little every time she comes running back to me to return to her mama.  When she reaches out to me in the midst of meeting someone new, or like today, when she was in another room and I held a friend's baby for a brief moment and she came around the corner and burst into tears.  She wanted to return and needed to desperately know that she could.  I scooped her up quickly and she looked in my eyes and said "Ahhh" in the same tone I use when we play with her babydoll and I say, "Ahhh, sweet baby" and rock it to sleep.
 In adoption land, we are doing miraculously well.  She likes her family, has fun and plays with us during the day, sleeps 11-12 hours at night and has almost settled into a 2 hour nap.  She loves for us to read to her, eats like a champ and is so chatty for a child with a cleft lip and palate.  She knows 3 signs to communicate and actually has about 10-15 "words" that sound very much like the ones we teach her, just in her modified way of saying them.  If I ask her if she wants to go take a bath, she takes off in her frankenstein baby walk/run to the bathroom yelling in delight!  She understands so much.
And it is what she understands that makes it difficult to.  I am convinced there was a time or times that she went hungry or did not get enough.  There have been some tantrums surrounding food and she eats with such stress sometimes that I know food or the lack thereof is an issue.  This past week, she has decided to push every button I own and test everything concerning me.  It is an over and over again pattern of calmly establishing boundaries and safety.  Praising in abundance the successes.  Firmly standing ground on the important things.  Giving in on the things that are not.  There are heartbreaking behaviors that I know will go in time, but grieve us nonetheless.  Every night, I tuck her bottle under my chin and feed her like an infant, her little body curled up on mine, looking up at my face, covered in my arms.  This is a huge step for her.  She used to want to sit up, facing outward and hold her own bottle and drink it quickly in record time.  She now curls up and even chooses to look at my face now and then as she drinks.  But, as soon as the milk is gone, she literally busts out of my arms as if to say, "I can't trust that I can get too comfortable here.  You might leave.  I take care of myself."  She won't settle.  She is great at fun and crazy play, peek a boo, singing and dancing, but getting too close is getting too serious.  Too committed.   She will often throw a tantrum because she prefers to rock herself to sleep in an almost violent rocking motion in her crib.  This is what she has known and how she has learned to soothe herself.  It destroys us every time we see it.  So, each night, I have worked little by little to encourage her to "rest" and "relax" in my lap, to get sleepy or go to sleep in my arms before she goes in the crib.  This usually involves a tantrum and tonight started the same way.  Sometimes she gets so mad and upset that her kicking and fighting me forces me to put her down.  I always give her the option.  Tonight, she wanted down and laid down on the floor by feet.  If I spoke to her lovingly, she literally turned her body away from me, as if my very voice angered her.  We did this about 3 times, I would pick her up, screaming and kicking and put her down.  The last time, I picked her up and held her like a baby in my arms, with her face looking up at mine.  She became very still.  Then, she took a big breath and sighed.  I felt her body rest.  She chose to return to my arms and rest.  Then, she gave me her mega watt grin that lights up her entire face and we both giggled.  She rested there, playing with my face and hair and I put her to bed sleepy and happy.  Thank you God.  Thank you that you authored the return in every way.  Thank you that you wait for it.  Thank you that I got a needlepoint glimpse of how you must feel every time we do.  The entire day didn't matter when Grace chose me and rested.  It made everything OK and I had been waiting for weeks for her to choose me at night.  How you must too.
So, Teshuvah is where I am at.  A precious place to be in the advent season.  A precious place to be in the attachment season.  A necessary place for my heart to be everyday.


Some of my favorite recent pics for the blog stalkers who just want to see pics of Grace!!!


                                                  Grace and her favorite guy!

"I don't know why we are standing at this fence looking at trees but if this is what we do, I'm in!"

A little blurry, but I love the pjs with sneakers and the sheer fun in playing with a gift bag!

Little Grace and Big Will!

Practicing our relaxed "sighs" and "surprised" response, along with "bye bye!"

This just makes me smile.  I love this picture so much.

Tis the Gift to Be Simple

Four really beautiful reasons to be thankful today.  And everyday.


We decided long before going to China that Thanksgiving would be really simple this year.  Having only been back home for about 4 days, we agreed to not give our household anymore unnecessary stress.  So, I did what I never dreamed I would do and had Rudy's Bar B Q cook my turkey (smoke it to be exact, and some beef brisket, chopped beef, creamed corn and pinto beans...are you salivating?  It is as good as you think!).  The original plan was to actually have them cook everything, but Grace is doing extremely well in the daytime, so with Cory home, I was excited about adding some homemade mashed potatoes and green beans, along with a pumpkin pie and homemade cranberry sauce.  I love Thanksgiving.  I have had the privilege of cooking the full meal several times, on my own and with both of my moms (mine and Cory's) and I believe once with both of them.  I've cooked it in a dorm for students more than once, for family, for friends, sometimes with both present.  I even cooked it one year for visiting PhD's from Japan who watched the Food Network to prepare for the meal (no pressure!).  It would feel weird I thought to keep it so simple.

I thought about my grandmothers a lot today...they both passed away this year within months of each other.  They both had reputations in their prime for being able to feed the masses and do it well with great ease and grace...relatives, neighbors, co-workers, friends, family and often the hungry off the street.  Their homes, back in the day, were the place to be on holidays.  I hope I carry that spark they had.  I was thinking today, that when they were my age, they never would have dreamed of having someone else cook the main course of a holiday dinner, much less add some sides in too.  But I knew my grandmothers in their years long past my age, and I think they both would have applauded.  It was the "life is too short" and "don't miss these years with your babies" comments that floated through my mind today.  In their later years, they knew what was important.  They would have nodded knowingly that Grace needed to be held today a little more and that Will had strep throat and needed a Mom and Dad who could just "go with it."  Oh, they would have loved Grace and laughed their specific laughs at her antics.  Their wisdom of knowing just how "simple" and normal today was but how important and fleeting it is too would have been the sweetest gift to see.  Grace has her Great-Grandma Penn's raspy voice and her Great Grandma Jane's wit.  They would have loved her.

So, we started our Thanksgiving Day at the Urgent Care with Will for what was stated as the "worst case of strep throat" the doctore had ever seen.  Funny how that would have thrown us a year or two ago or even 2 months ago.  Something about being home from China gives perspective.  Will is so cool, we barely knew he was sick.  A nice rash this morning and the comment that his "breath hurt" was the strep clue, despite no sore throat or high fever.  So, we watched the parade and tried to rest, still recovering from our trip.  Grace decided not to nap today, despite our best efforts and despite napping well for days.  No big deal, Dad was home to be the human rocker/jungle gym while I worked on some food for the holiday.  Claire helped with pumpkin pie yesterday (pretty much all herself, due to her wishes to "do it herself"...I have no idea where she gets that!) and Carter wanted to learn to peel and slice potatoes for his favorite mashed potatoes today.  So, we did.  When we finally sat down to dinner, I believe that 3 out of 4 children were crying and Cory uncorked a bottle of wine and said, "Here we go!  Four children!"  I assure you that we were both laughing and at peace...again, just glad to be with our crew and in our home, no matter what the emotional state of the table!  Smiles came quickly as we started to eat and everyone was thankful.  Will, who doesn't really have an appetite, asked if he could just go around the table and give Thanksgiving hugs.  And eat popsicles.  So so sweet.  He did the rounds several times, like a postman delivering Christmas packages, wrapped up in 40 pounds of total heartfelt love.  Carter and Claire were expounding on their favorite dishes and Grace was the most jubilant I have seen her with that meal.  Feet kicking, literally breathless with anticipation over the next new bite I would put in her mouth.  Mashed potatoes, green beans, meat, cranberry sauce...she could not get enough.  It broke my heart and I loved it at the same time!  She ate more than any other of my children and did not stop.  If I paused to get a bite, she yelled out to keep it coming!  At one point, she put a little too much of a yeast roll in her mouth.  We could see it stuck up there and wondered what would happen next.  She paused and blew it out her left nostril, completely in tack.  We cheered.  It was an awesome display of dinnertime skill and totally Thanksgiving table worthy.  Then there was the pumpkin pie.  Grace ate a piece and a half.  I have been teaching her signing over the past week or two, here and there, just to see what she thought.  I had about given up, thinking it was just too much or that she would be like my other babies who were completely amused at my gestures but really had no intention of really ever communicating that way.  Not Grace. We saw our first of many "MORE" hand signs for you guessed it; pumpkin pie.  Over and over again.  Whipped cream and all.

So, it was a simple day.  Not much accomplished that you could check off on paper.  We were missing our families who are far away.  And grateful for friends who asked us over.  But, we were meant to be here at our house.  Home.  Oh, and the few dishes I did cook this year...  it was voted that the green beans and mashed potatoes were the best ever.  Funny how keeping it simple and focusing on just a few things, stress free, with helpful little hands to assist, made it stand above the years past.  Those dishes were on a different level than before.  We really enjoyed them.

Here's to keeping it simple....

HOME

We are finally home!  We wanted to share some pictures from our arrival...thank you to everyone who prepared the way for us to come back.  From the prayers that kept us well after a scary stomach bug went after Claire the night before our flight, to transportation for us, my mom, and Will, a stocked pantry and fridge, flowers, signs, posters, banners, goodie gifts, teddy bears, and overall abundance of love and support.  We have such full hearts and are thankful.   We are having good days and getting adjusted as a family of 6, but not so good nights yet as jet lag has hit us hard!  So, some pictures (not in order because I'm too tired to fix them!) to share and then off to bed because we never know what the night will look like!!


     Seriously, the BEST neighbors and friends.  A Welcome Home Banner signed by everyone to greet               us when we arrived!

Came home from the airport, got a bath, clean pjs and then it was business as usual!  She headed to the playroom with the other children for some fun!

Very happy with a play kitchen!

Grace and Will the next morning...they are going to be buddies!

Again... streamers, lanterns, signs...we love our neighbors who are such good friends!

This looks calm but it turned into splash fest!

Fresh flowers in my home...

Beautiful kid made banners for our children!

If you know Debbie Carter...this is how she rolls and one of the many reasons she is great.  I am well stocked for my new baby AND the end of the world.

There is sweet William waiting for his family at the airport.

Maw Maw and Will

Hugs all around!

So happy to have everyone together!

Will still gives the best hugs.

Already a good big brother

Family of 6!

Just got off the plane!

So sweet!

Final Thoughts in China

In a few short hours we leave to drive to Hong Kong, where we will spend the night and fly home tomorrow at Noon.  Due to the travel (with 2 children and a baby!) this will be our last blog until we get home and settled.  I've decided to keep blogging, so those interested can follow Grace's surgeries and our family life, but I likely won't blog everyday!  I did find it to be very therapeutic and an easy way to update the ones we love.  And a fun way to send pictures too.  So, if you were following to "watch" the adoption process, this will be all.  But, if you are inclined, stay tuned...you never know what Barnett bits and pieces will bring you!


A week or two before we left for China, I was talking on the phone with a young woman who was pretty mad at God for the suffering she had endured.  She wanted me to explain suffering so that she could be "OK" with God's nature.  It just didn't seem fair.  It sometimes isn't.  
I told her if I could do that, I would be a whole lot wealthier than I am and likely on the New York Times Bestseller list.  She laughed, knowing this was a true statement.  There will always be some mystery in suffering, because God's ways are higher than ours.  We will only understand in part on this side.  And, that is really OK.  Because the other side is far greater, far better and things will be made right.  I could only talk to this young woman from a place of what I know to be true.  What I know to be true in the Bible and how that matches what I know to be true in my own life.  God is God.  He has unlimited power and rights.  He is in charge.  He is sovereign.  While He can certainly take out cities and nations for disobedience, He also is the perfect Father and never, NEVER takes pleasure in His own children hurting.  His own children suffering.  He is in charge, but He has given a measure of control to the enemy for a time and given us unlimited control in our own lives.  As a parent, this is the perfect scenario.  It is the joy of my heart when my children respond righteously or tell me they love me because they chose to do so.  Not because I programmed them or forced them.  Because they wanted to.  There is a "divine tension" that exists in suffering, God's absolute sovereignty and our free will.   I don't understand it all but I know it exists to grow me and not stunt my growth.
Almighty God, who I know and serve, is a good Father.  His mercies never end and His lovingkindness outlasts His anger for His children.  Always.  There is always a way out and it is always available because of Jesus.
So, when I talked to this young woman about her suffering, she could easily look at the suffering that she invited and the suffering that "seemed to come out of nowhere."  If the "out of nowhere" looks like killing, stealing, destroying then it doesn't look like God.   Before this phone conversation, this young woman may have looked at my new daughter and asked, "How can a good God do that?"  The overwhelming and overriding thought that has stayed on my mind and Cory's too is that our God says, "Let the little children come unto me."  Sickness, disease, birth defects, sin....they are all products of that garden spot decision with the two trees and have snowballed ever since.  But, here is the good news.  The overwhelming and overriding thought that God works EVERYTHING for good for those that love Him.  EVERYTHING.  Even cleft lip and palate.  It is not His nature to strike a young child and get some sort of sick pleasure from giving them a disabling birth defect.  No, holiness can't stand there.  God is good and does not manipulate and play games.  It is so contrary to His nature.  BUT, He can allow it and work it for good because that IS His nature.
What if Grace's cleft lip and palate are her ticket out of here?  Out of here and into a family.  Even better, out of here and into a relationship with the living God?  Yes, you might say, but what about the others?  Well, what if they have tickets out too that are just waiting to be bought and purchased for them as well?  What if God wants to work all of this for not only her good, but immeasurably more than she can ask or imagine?  Not because we are that for her, but because HE is. Yes, He loves her that much to move a family to move heaven and earth to go after her in what is the craziest thing we have ever done.  That's the God we know.
When we were visiting a temple in Xi'an, our guide picked up really quickly that we were a Christian family.  We politely opted not to be blessed by the monk or have our zodiac sign read.  Just a personal conviction for our family.  As we walked around looking at the different buildings and statues, I saw Carter go up to Grace, who was being carried by Cory and whisper, "Don't worry Grace, we serve the One True Living God."  Please understand, this wasn't an elitist comment by our son.  He is only 9 and takes NOTHING at face value...I am pretty certain that at times past, he has thought we were off our rocker and crazy for what we believe and how we live.  That's OK, we trust the Lord with him.  And, Carter has had bits of suffering along the way too, but has learned and is learning that God is real and active and interested with a great abounding love for His children.  His Carter.  Nine year olds don't whisper that into the ear of their adopted sister unless there is an element of reality there.   Real relationship that is tangible.  Real relationship that is saving.

So, we prepare to leave China, knowing that Father God is working all things for Grace's good...every piece of her story for good and that He does make all things new.  He is making all things new.  Not just her little face, not just her new family, but her new heart and new inheritance in HIS family.  No, He never leaves us as orphans, but grafts us into such a new place as sons and daughters.  Such sweet grace for us all.


Daddy and the crew in China on his birthday at a good Mexican restaurant!!  I'm serious, it was good!  And, Grace likes rice and black beans A LOT so she can definitely find food in San Antonio!

While I'm Thinking About It

While I'm thinking about it....
Happy Birthday Cory.  I love you and I think this is a birthday you will never forget.  So pleased to celebrate so many things with you today...

We have been asked by several people if we are going to do an "airport" welcome party when we return this weekend.  We have truly loved going to greet other families at the airport when they return home with their little ones, but we felt from the beginning that we probably would not do that for our family.  The main reasons being little Grace and big brother William.  William is the only Barnett who stayed in the States and we miss him so bad it hurts.  We want him to have the chance to see his new sister and get all of the hugs and conversation without us needing to see others.  Because we would want to see you!  We are social creatures and would want to hear ALL about your last two weeks.  Out of covering for William and for Grace who will likely be totally done by the time our feet touch Texas ground, we are going to quietly go home with just a few friends bringing Will and my mom to the airport to help with cars and luggage and to take pictures which we will happily share with you on the blog.  Once we are home and recovered from jet lag, PLEASE come by.  Just let us know you are coming so we have our teeth brushed and we would love to see you and hug you and tell you thank you so much face to face.  And of course, introduce you to our newest family member!  Thank you to all of you who thought of this for us and thank you for understanding that we want to do what is best for the sweetest of little boys waiting for us and his new little sister.

When we return home, we will likely do things a little differently than we did with our other kiddos.  First of all, Grace is a really easy baby who seems to fit right in.  But, she was in an orphanage up to this point.  She doesn't really know what a mama and daddy are and it's our job to teach her that as soon as possible.   She is social like us and will still go to anyone.  For those with children, most of your 16 month olds would not want to go to a stranger.  Grace doesn't know the difference between stranger and parent because she has had so many people caring for her in her little life.  It is likely for a time that Cory and I will not pass her off for any friends to hold her or encourage others to hold her or take her.  She is super cute and I promise that we aren't being selfish with her or spoiling her, but helping her to distinguish between family and friends and trying to not make her world confusing.  It is why I will likely "lay low" until I feel like she knows our home and that we are her family and that it is different from the outside world.  When we do venture out, we will keep her close for a while so that she feels safe and that we are constant.  I love that every night she peeks out of her crib while going to sleep just to see that I am still there on the bed.  That is a great sign.  We want her to know that we will not leave her and that we will be here when she looks for us.


Today, on Cory's birthday we went to the Consulate and everything went so smoothly which was such an answer to prayer.  We had an extra document just in case something went wrong.  We have heard stories since arriving of families being detained by a day or two and we did not want that to happen!  No problems with our paperwork and Grace's visa is being processed and we should have it in our hands tomorrow at 4:30pm.  Then, a two hour drive to Hong Kong, spend the night, fly out the next day at Noon.  I'm sure I don't need to ask you for prayers!   We would love them...

Wanted to share some pictures from the last day or so....



                                  Cute little one taking a break from walking around the hotel grounds

Tarzan

A very impressive wine bar that seems to be floating in the water on one of the floors in the hotel.  A very impressive wine bar that we won't be visiting.  Claire offered to bathe and feed Grace so I could take Cory for his birthday.  Tempting, but no.  

This was just way too inviting...I think she performed her starting solo for High School Musical 4.  She has been writing it since we got here.  It's called, "High School Musical 4, Lost in China."

Beautiful outdoor pool

Pajama playtime!

Daddy and Grace

Looking at the flowers

We love to walk

By the fish

Checking out the fun fish!

Sitting on the bench

Strike a pose

At the US Consulate!  All clear!

I love this picture...it is one of my favorites.  I used to worry about having lots of children...how would they know what to do and how could I keep up?  This morning, we were leaving our room to go to the grocery store.  Without a word from me or Cory, Carter grabbed the stroller and Claire went with him.  This fluid sort of exit without needing instruction or cues.  And, they started walking.  With confidence!   Down the sidewalk to the store.  With their new baby sister.  Happy to help without being asked.  (Not always, but definitely today and it was sweet.)

And, like any other toddler, she can find the smallest thing on the ground to put in her mouth!  Sweet Grace.

Guangzhou!

So, we left Xi'an last night and headed to the airport to fly two hours to Guangzhou.  We were the only Westerners on that flight (and the only ones we saw at the airport) and we were determined to "not stand out" on the plane ride.  We started out well, playing games with Grace, having snacks and water and doing anything we could to keep her happy.  About halfway through the flight, Grace was done.  We saw classic moves as the "throw your head back without care as to where it lands" and "stiffen your entire body so you can't make me sit down" and the ever popular "slide myself off your lap into the aisle" because I'm so distraught.  Such an interesting "dress rehearsal" for our flight home on Saturday.  To borrow from my friend Paul Leonard, "Who wasn't praying?"  :)  Anyway, we tried rocking to sleep...anything.  Nothing was working and calming the baby scream, until, in an act of desperation, I offered her a dum dum lollipop.  That's right.  I did.  You can judge.  I judge it myself.  Who gives a 16 month old a lollipop...a 16 month old with cleft lip and palate?  Not just any lollipop but a blue raspberry one that was all over her and I.  Big blue mouth so people probably thought she had heart problems too.  But, we didn't care.  We were happy.  And quiet!  We exited the plane after what seemed way longer than 2 hours.  The gentleman in front of me probably thought so too.

One of our many invented games...this one is called, "Cup on the Foot."

This one is called "Cup on the Foot About to Go Sour" (although she is laughing)

As we walked towards baggage claim again, it was as if the clouds parted and the sun came out in the shape of gleaming yellow arches.  We had not really had anything to eat for several hours and a family plan was made that we would be getting McDonald's no matter what.  It was like a gleaming beacon calling out to us!  We got our bags and met our awesome guide Elvin.  He really is amazing...kind of famous in the United States for being so good at his job.  He totally agreed that we had earned the right to McDonald's.  He waited with our bags while we ordered to take our dinner in the van ride (about 45 minutes) to the hotel.
I hereby take back every aversion I have ever had about McDonald's.  At the moment, none of us cared how processed it was or if it would clog our arteries.  It was SO good.  We knew they existed here in China, but we had not really found any "American" food thus far in our travels.  We happily road in the van, everyone smiling and laughing and chowing nuggets and cheese burgers.  Grace was two fisting french fries and clapping, yes clapping, for bites of cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets.  That's right.  You can judge again.  I totally gave my 16 month old McDonald's.  She loved it.  Claire, who is normally pretty picky about her hamburger, commented how great it tasted with everything on it.   We were like a McDonald's commercial waiting to happen...because we were lovin' it!

Guangzhou is a totally different city than any other we have been in so far.  Even arriving at night, we loved it from the start.  The climate is much warmer here and more familiar to us Texans with highs in the 80's.  Today we took Grace to her medical check up (really, just a funny formality that lasted about 5 minutes....the ENT doctor looked in her ears and said done!) and could see the city in the daylight.  It is really pretty with flowers and plants everywhere.  Parks and greenery...it is my favorite so far...I think I was really missing plants and flowers and just green.  After Grace's medical appointment, we were taken to a shopping building that had beautiful examples of Chinese culture in tea, ceramics, art, jewelry and clothing.  Then back to the Garden Hotel.  Ahhhhhh, the Garden Hotel.  Hands down, the nicest hotel I have every stayed in.  It is like a little city with shopping, restaurants and yes, a tea place!  We are totally checking that out! :)  It is kind of the expectation that you stay here as you process out of the country and you are staying here amidst well to do families and business people from all over the world, and of course, adoption families that are here too.    It is sort of like adoption Twilight Zone...immediately when we arrived last night, there were families all over the lobby with new children.  I have never seen anything like it.  This morning at breakfast, as we were shown to our seats, I had to choke back tears because we passed table after table of Spanish families, European families and American families, all with special needs babies and children who now have homes and families.  Simply beautiful to see us all packed in an area of the restaurant for breakfast, siblings young and old and new little family members trying the amazing buffet.  Such a great picture, again, etched in my mind.



We LOVE yogurt.  It is everywhere, but we LOVE it!

This looks very official, but it wasn't.  Grace did great though!

Little updates on Grace...she is sleeping like a champ.  I know we will probably have to re-adjust when we return home, but we all slept about 8 or 9 hours last night, which was so needed.  Grace is sleeping sound in the other room for her nap right now too.   Such a blessing.  This morning when we took off her diaper to give her a bath, she peed on the floor.  This was pretty amazing because we think the orphanage was potty training her.  She peed a little, looked at us like "Impressed?" and peed some more with a big smile on her face.  We were all laughing and very impressed!    She really is impressive...that she will sit and eat in her high chair and manipulate food and utensils so well and with such smart adaption.   She loves for us to feed her, but also really likes to "do it herself."  She is really spunky!  She easily relaxes into our laps and arms but also really likes to practice walking and using a spoon.  She also showed me today her great gymnast skills as she tried to climb out of the crib at naptime.  She thought it was funny (I did too but didn't let her know) and after a couple of times of repositioning her back down in the crib, she settled in and went to sleep.


Oh, one last story to tell about yesterday because Cory thinks it so funny.  A Chinese business woman in Xi'an started talking to me in the lobby right before we left for the airport.  She was very nice but looked concerned that Grace still seemed shy and timid.  Grace is neither, but happened to be hiding out by a lamp in the lobby, taking some personal time to get the poop out.  It is a classic move that I have seen with all of my children and we were thankful it was being done before the airport.  At that moment, I just decided to be honest and explain.   She seemed to get it.  She then told me that I was, and I quote, "A big mama with a big heart."  This was in response to seeing Carter and Claire.  In the States, not such a great compliment to be called "big mama."  Here, it was.  Cory is using it as my new nickname.  Not so sure what I think about that.

Tonight we explore the hotel and hopefully walk to a Pizza Hut down the street!  Tomorrow is Grace's consulate appointment.  Please pray that all of our papers are correct and that the process is a smooth one.  We are ready to get this girl home!

Leaving Xi'an

Some thoughts as we leave Xi'an this afternoon....

Sweet Grace.  I was counting my blessings yesterday afternoon.  Carter and Claire were in the next room doing homework and Cory and I were laying sideways on the bed with Grace in between.  She was throwing herself on us, back and forth, laughing and giggling and playing peek a boo like we had known her all of her life.  Like our biological children did (and still do!) because they know it's safe and fun.  She is so silly...she would laugh and then laugh harder and THROW herself backwards in a dramatic fall, just trusting that one of us would catch her.  She took her sweater that was on the bed and threw it over our faces, just so she could take it off and hear us say, "BOO!"  Again, gut laughing and all sorts of antics.  We realized in the midst of our fun that this was such a gift.  We prayed that she would attach early and it would seem as "business as usual" to be in our family.  We all feel like she just knows she is one of us.  We had prepared our home and family back in Texas to maybe be a little quieter and more reserved for a while.  Nope.  This girl is loud.  She loves to hear her voice echo down the hall at 8am when we walk to breakfast and she is right in the mix with energy and antics!  Carter and Claire have successfully taught her "crazy dance" which the three of them enjoy regularly in the hotel lobby and she is slapping "high fives" to anyone who asks.  My favorite though is when she snuggles in while I'm carrying her and rests her head between the crook of my neck and shoulder and sighs that big relief sigh that this is home.  I also love when our eyes lock.  She loves to study our faces and I've been so thankful over how easily she can keep your gaze.  She will often wrinkle up her nose and laugh silly, but there are moments when she just stares and makes a cute little sound.  I love how God gave Cory the perfect daughter for him too.  She loves to play and be loud and have him throw her around.  I think Cory was prepared for that to take a while, but she has quickly warmed up to his boisterous playtime with enthusiasm.  The sweetest of gifts in this week here.

This week here that seemed so long at the beginning.  It is a long week (8 or 9 days?) to be living in a hotel.  A beautiful hotel...complete with spas, restaurants, bars, classes....none of which we are experiencing!  Cory did suggest that me and Claire and Grace should check out "ladies night" at one of the swanky clubs...I think we would really bring a whole new take to that party!   While Cory and I are a little stir crazy, Carter and Claire seem to really like it.  I think they believe they are living like "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody!"  What I've loved about being here so long is the difference in the staff responses from the beginning of the week until now.  They are our friends, we know their names and we talk regularly in the lobby and restaurant.  Many who made faces at Grace, now come and speak to not only us, but her, and stoop down to take her hand or talk to her.  We catch them smiling (during crazy dance!) and we have learned bits and pieces about their lives.  I want to remember Carter's friend who gave him the warrior statue.  They had their picture taken together last night after dinner.  He wanted it on his camera too.  There was such a sweetness there.  I want to remember Tony, (not his real name) who sees us at breakfast every morning, grabs coffee and a high chair and gets our children things before they even ask.  We talk and tell him how great he is (coffee and high chair go a long way)  and he seems to be fond of us.  Starting the week with so many distanced stares and ending with friends.  Friends who see Grace for the beauty she is and for what she has to offer.  They have watched Cory and I feed her a thousand different ways, sticking our hands in her little mouth to give food and swipe stuck food out.  As much as we aren't phased by it, I think it has taught them to embrace it too.  I want to remember the Chinese business man, in his 60's that stopped me getting orange juice the other day.  He wanted to have a conversation, which is unusual.  He said, "Adoption?"  I said yes, and then explained in English with many hand gestures that we love her, think she is beautiful, will help her mouth and that she is ours.  He looked at me straight in the eyes and smiled and said, "Very good.  Very very good."  It was a simple conversation but profound to my heart.  I want to remember it.

I want to remember yesterday, how we ventured out on our last day by ourselves.  Took a taxi that did not take us where we wanted to go.  Spotted a landmark that we knew and trekked to that spot, through the Muslim quarter again, getting our picture taken from riders on a bus.  None of us were scared at all and it was once again, amusing.  We just wanted tea and for some reason, it has eluded us, despite all of our research!  Maybe in the next city...:) 
In the Muslim market, we saw a little boy being pulled on a cart low to the ground with sad music being played.  He was obviously sick or dying and this was his family member's way of raising money from what we could tell.  That picture is etched in my mind and we have talked about it with Carter and Claire since then.  We prayed for him last night...such a stark image and a reminder of the lives lived here and in many places around the world.
We managed to find a familiar location and get a taxi back to the hotel.  It made me laugh that this was the time when Cory was trying to barter.  (Not a good time in my opinion but it was funny!)  Despite his best efforts, we are pretty sure we got "taken" but at least "taken" back to our surroundings!


We love this and it keeps cracking us up!  Claire hijacked the Iphone and we have several of her homemade secret videos and songs.  This one is a song written about taking down Carter...only a sister could pen these lyrics.  Check out her awesome beat box too!

Crazy dancing in the lobby!

Carter and his "buddy" in the lobby.

So, we leave today with thankful hearts and with a passport and papers for our new daughter.  So glad she is coming with us to our next stop!

Cory's take...

I (Cory) have to admit that I feel completely out of my skin "blogging"...see I even needed to put blogging in quotes to qualify that I am not a blogger.  I personally have immensely enjoyed Jen's blogs and find myself looking forward to them each day.  We have also appreciated all the comments, emails, and facebook comments--it really highlights how much of a community effort this journey is and how our family and friends are such a part of it--in many ways we are all adopting sweet Grace.  At Jen's prodding, I have reluctantly agreed to try my hand at the blog and jot down a few thoughts that I want to remember from this precious trip:

Grace's face.
Her cleft is pretty impressive.  Her two front teeth are completely in your face and sideways.  She trumps anyone you know with "summer teeth".   We couldn't tell from the pictures beforehand the scope of the cleft, but having seen several now--especially when we visited Grace's old home, her's is pretty dramatic.  To be completely honest, though, it never really bothered me even from the beginning.   We are just jumping "all-in" with my sweet Grace (especially eating!).  I have watched Jen and Carter and Claire do it, too.  The funny thing is, even after only 6 days, I hardly even see it anymore when I look at her.  I love her little, round face.  Her sweet face has given me perspective on a few things and has broken my heart when I think of little girl's everywhere, especially those waiting for moms and dads:

     1. Every little girl deserves to feel beautiful
     2.  Every little girl deserves to have a daddy that thinks she is beautiful.

I think she is so beautiful...

My travel companions.
This has been a sweet trip even more than getting Grace.

  1. To begin with, Carter and Claire have left exceeded every expectation to their flexibility, maturity, endurance, and just fun on this at what can at times be a very arduous trip.  They have stepped up every time.  They are trying foods, walking miles, bartering with the locals.  They engage people, hug strangers, and LOVE Grace.  I have seen Carter weep (WEEP) twice now over the plight of the orphans.  Claire has decided she is going to work at orphanage when she grows up.  I heard Claire recounting our itinerary in detail..Beijing--Xi'an---Ghuangzhou...I marvel at their capacity.  Yesterday we were squashed on the metro with a billion Chinese people like sardines and my kids were just smiling and looking out for each other and for ME.  I don't think there is much better we could have done for them as parents than bring them on this trip. The best part, though, the part I want to remember the most, is that for the first time, I have really seen them as my friends.  I have genuinely enjoyed their travel companionship.  As we sit and eat meals, the four of us have just talked and laughed.  As we walk through the streets or the supermarket, obviously the minority, being stared at or being taken pictures of, I have looked them in the eyes and there is an unsaid acknowledgement that we are on the same team or in the same club...and it's kind of fun doing it together.
  2.  My other travel companion has also left me pretty speechless.  Clearly, she is going to be a great mom to Grace.  Jen has always, for all of our kids, been able to lay down her life for them.  She has always been selfless in putting the needs and affections of our children before her own.  She has given up the spotlight, hobbies, rest, sleep, and many, many personal commodities for the sake of her family.  I am already seeing it for sweet Grace--but to me that was always a given.  I think the real miracle, the thing that I have been marveling at the whole time we have been in China, is the DRAMATICALLY different person Jen is than she was 10 years ago.  Everything about China highlights the dramatic difference.  Without going into detail, Jen used to be a fearful person--someone who never wanted to leave home.  We traveled to Europe in 2001 and she could barely get on the airplane (picture BA Baracus, A-Team, 1980s).  None of that exists anymore.  We have been in the most out-of control scenarios you can imagine on this trip...from being packed in a van with a brand new adopted baby in the middle of urban China stuck at a train crossing to trying crazy new foods in the Muslim quarter of Xi'an China.  Over the past decade, I have seen the evolution of her freedom from fear and it is real, it is a miracle, and could have only been accomplished by a supernatural God who came expressly to set the captives free. I am not exaggerating here--she is a different person. She is now willing to take fun risks, barter down the Chinese nationals for a good deal (she is much better than me--I almost bartered away Carter without realizing it), and if push comes to shove, she will bring down China in order to get Grace home.  God must have had Grace in mind as he brought Jen into this freedom...He new she would need to bring Grace home.


Travel Companions:

Two companions with our guide Xiao Dan or "Krystal"

Jen getting us some tasty roadside treats

A funny taxi video

Jen teaching Grace a new toy

Adoption Leading.

The sweetest revelation occurred the night before we "got" Grace.  I woke up about 4 AM--part in excitement, part in anxiety, part from the jet-lag.  Carter was sleeping soundly in the bed next to me.  I could hear Claire and Jen in the other bed also asleep.  I pulled up the Gospel of John on my iphone, and read where Jesus says, "The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.  A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers".  The "thought" occurred to me,  "Do you think the sheep always know what their Shepherd is saying?  Or do they just recognize the sound of his voice and go in that direction?" I realized then, while at times I have clearly heard and understand exactly what the Shepherd is saying, much of the time I just hear the familiar call of his voice and "walk in his way".  This has been our adoption journey--we hear the Shepherd calling and we have followed and before we know it, we turn around and we are in China and we have this sweet gift who my heart is already bursting with love for.

The shepherd really does love us.



Also,  I really miss my buddy Will...but he is having a good time with MawMaw and PawPaw:

A late "Avenger" birthday party (It's actually PawPaw's birthday)

Pirate day with cousins Isabel and Samuel