Monday, January 16,
2012
OK, I whole heartily admit it. I stink. Such a slacker blogger.
It was why I never blogged before although I love to write and write all day in
my head. I am going to try and get better at it in the New Year. I really am. I
guess I needed to spill that first blog that had been marinating in my heart
for so long and sit with it a while. Not that I've just been sitting
though...we dove head first into the adoption process. We did the Marathon for
Adoption which was amazing...to be in a community of people whose hearts spread
wide open for so many children...Cory and I were both teary eyed the whole
time. I didn't run but Cory did which may also explain the "teary
eyed" on his part! ;) We began our home study process which was comical on
so many levels but not nearly as stressful as I thought. Our children had funny
antics with toy guns and costumes for the social worker, as well as impressive
dramatic prose in telling her what wonderful parents Cory and I are! During one
visit, we even timed it just right so our air ducts were getting cleaned out.
At least she saw our real life home and she seemed to like it or at least be
amused. Our home study was completed and we are about a week away from sending
out our I-800A which is a large official document basically getting permission
from the US to adopt. Once we have approval, we will send our dossier to China
which another huge packet of every official document and then some in order to
get their approval to adopt. And in that time frame, we hope to find Amelia.
Or rather, I hope she finds us. We have started to look at
pictures of beautiful children and I confess, it is really hard. Our prayer is
that the Lord show us who she is. When we look, I often cry and get overwhelmed
because there are so many children with so many needs and the truth is, we
could love them all. It is silly of me to be scared about this part because we
have a history in our family of asking God for everything, about
everything...there is nothing off limits. And He always shows up and shows off
His glory. There are a few special needs that we can't handle to protect my
knees (I'll have to write about that in another post for those who want to hear
about my super hero knees!) but overall, we are really OK with a lot. We just
want to know who she is and we'll go get her. I think it is a lot like
marriage...I love Cory because we have a covenant relationship in our marriage.
But I love him because he is uniquely Cory. It is likely that I would love my
husband regardless of who he was but the Lord only allowed my heart to love
Cory LIKE THAT. He protected my heart until Cory came along and even after that
it was years! :) If someone dropped off a daughter to our home and said here is
your daughter we would love her becaue she was ours. The fact is, we get to
have a say. So, we are asking that the Lord protect our heart until it is
Amelia. But we are also thankful that He is breaking it for so many little
faces without a home. So, please join us in asking God to let us know when it
is her.
So, I am sorry for the lapse in blogging. Sorry that friends had
to scold me to write :) and sorry because there was a lot in those months to
say but I just didn't know how. I am not the adoptive mom to follow or copy on
how this is done. I don't know dates when we've sent things or started things,
I seldom make time to read other blogs or posts or groups, and I only find out
what letters stand for when I need them. I am being honest...don't copy my
example on these things! But I am a mom who is plowing through the process in
faith and learning tools to help my little Amelia. I wrote that first blog post
and felt guilty because I used so many "rescue" words which I learned
in training is not the best way to go about it. Trust me, I don't have a
romantic view of this process. But we are going to rescue her, I don't care what
adoption books say. If your daughter was in China and she should be with you,
you would go get her too. It took me a couple of months to come to that
conclusion but that is the truth.
This was the first Christmas in a long time that I was healthy
enough (with those knees!) to really enjoy it full force. I baked and sang and
served and played and wrapped and baked some more and did not think about my
knees. But we all had this hole in our heart when we put up the tree because
she was missing. The happiest Christmas in a long time for me personally but
there was this ache and I could barely stand to think about what she may be
doing on Christmas or how she was feeling. I just pray that she sees Jesus all
the time. All the time.
So, with good knees now, I think that is why I have such a hard
time sitting at the computer anyway. Let's face it, I can't even get this blog
to look how I want. The archives don't line up right and the colors seem too
dark and it frustrates me. I don't like computers (or smart phones) as it is
but, when I can stand outside while my kids play and walk and get on the floor
with them, I'd rather do that. Or vacuum. Because I can. So in the last three
months with lots of guests visiting and our amazing sets of parents coming
through; I just lived and took it all in. Today we even went hiking. That's
right, hiking. It was my idea. :)
So, I am going to try and love technology a little more this
year. And I will try to blog more too.
And I offer this to any of you who are contemplating adoption or
a blog. Follow mine, you will feel so much better about yourself! I am not self
deprecating so no encouraging responses! I am just being honest! I can cook a
mean dinner for lots of people and look like Betty Crocker. No big deal. But I
loathe computers and blog set ups and invites and the whole deal. But I love
you and I am going to try. And we love Amelia so please pray as we try to find
her and as she finds us.
And if
it is a couple of days or weeks before I blog again, just know that even as I
was writing this, my sweet 3 years old who was having way too much fun riding
his bike waited too long to get to the bathroom and peed all over the newly
mopped floor. So, I mopped again. What seemed to be a gallon of pee. Life
happens. And it's good.
Thursday, September
29, 2011
To
follow the story of who we are becoming , it is probably helpful to tell you
who we are to begin with! I am the mom, Jennifer, who loves to write and always
has, but has never kept a journal and is pretty vocal about being an
“anti-blogger.” In my past, I have taken much joy in many jobs and roles,
mostly involving children and the arts and college students, but I really like
my current mom job. The husband and dad, Cory, is an Air Force surgeon,
specifically a GYN oncology doctor. That title doesn’t do him justice though,
because he gives me great peace, cracks up our kids and makes a mean sangria.
There are three amazing children who carry our eyes or nose or heart or toes or
laugh or some quirky combination of us mixed up with who they are becoming.
Carter is the oldest and is enthusiastic about everything in his life; he loves
people and has a compassionate heart beyond his years. Legos, Star Wars and
books surround him. Claire is “pretty in the middle,” fiery and graceful, true
and kind, spunky and sweet. A self described “princess who fights,” she is
lovely and brave and everything in between. A dancer, a singer and scholar is
this little lady. Will is the baby for now, although at almost three he has
graduated into “big boy” status, watching everything his siblings do, but
out-racing them on his bike, jumping off mountains (the couch) and giving out
huge hugs while keeping the dinner table in stitches. And we love Jesus. Not
because that’s what you say in a blog with meaning. Not in the Christmas/Easter
Hallmark card kind of way. But in the tangible, real, living and active
relationship kind of way. We know Him. He’s walked with us and we continue to
hold tight to Him, the one true, the best, the reason for it all. He has made
us who we are and led us to who we are becoming. In the end, we hope it looks
like Him.
It is late one night and a dear friend calls and says, “Jen, I know you didn’t
want to look at available waiting children on adoption sites until you could go
get them, but there is a little girl….”
We have known that we were going to adopt for at least 5 years now. It started
as a “I wonder…” conversation that led to a “What if…” to a “We should…” to a
“We are…” to a “we have to--right now.” Cory and I had landed on that spot this
fall and were days away from requesting an application when this phone call
came. We have had a heart to adopt from China for years, but truth be told, we
can easily get a heart for any child anywhere. Thank you God. We have known
that we wanted a girl and that unless we hear differently from God, that we
were to name her Amelia Grace.
“Jen, her name is Amelia and I really think you should look.” So, I looked. The
sweetest little face and smile, club feet, light in her eyes and I am ready to
get on a plane that night, heart racing, and in a moment, totally and
completely in. I called Cory who was on call at the hospital that night and
told him I was looking at pictures of a precious little girl named Amelia.
There was a moment of silence on his line as I sat wondering if she could
really be ours, having not yet started the process of adoption. Then Cory said,
“Jen, you won’t believe this.” He had been scanning the television channels on
the base hospital tv and it had landed on a program with a picture of a world
with a radar on top, battleships arriving to the scene and a caption that said
“FINDING AMELIA.” We were both stunned. The hair stood up on my arms and in
that moment, we both knew that we were in the presence of the Most High God
speaking to us that the time is now. And it’s crucial to move.
After a day of investigating Amelia, we found out that a family who was much
further along in their adoption process had begun the steps of adopting her,
sweet Amelia. Praise God that she gets to go home soon. While a little sad and
disappointed that she was not ours, we still stand in a place of knowing that
our Amelia is waiting and that we have to get her. Now.
This is not an adoption blog, although you will hear a lot about that for the
next while. It is a blog of finding our Amelia, the little sister to Carter,
Claire and Will and lovely daughter to call ours. It is also a blog about
searching, rescuing, finding who is crying out for someone to hear. The Lord is
wise because He knows exactly what it takes to get Cory and I, and our children
for that matter to listen, to act, to go. A television picture of our earth
spinning with a radar sending signals and battle ships arriving! We love to go
to war so to speak for people, for the hurting, for the wounded. The Bible
verses I gravitate to, come alive with and get excited about are always those
involving “setting the captives free, repairing the breach, turning mourning
into dancing, binding up the broken hearted….” Those pictures on the screen
caused our hearts to jump and stand at attention. It has nothing to do with
Cory being in the military…they will not even give him a gun or let him fly a
plane! It is the warfare that is done in the unseen places that moves us to
action. It is the warfare that produces freedom in others that we are about. I
can remember being in college with Cory, and hearing a guest preacher from
Africa who was captivating and full of God. At the end of his message, he began
pointing at people and speaking words to them, inspired by God. If that is a
weird thing for you, I think it is totally normal in Africa! Like our Call to
Worship. J (Don’t get me wrong, it
was a different thing for us too! ) He pointed at Cory, then a young man of 21
years, and said to him, “You and your family are going to pick a fight with the
devil and you are going to win.” We weren’t even engaged at that time and his
words somehow rang true to me and have stayed with me all of these years. Now,
we don’t make it our business to pick a fight with the devil…we aren’t that
stupid. But, we do go after Jesus. For ourselves, for others, and we ask, we
seek, we knock and we love to get gritty about it. Because we know what we were
without Him and how much better we are with Him and we know what He can do. So,
in some sense, we ARE picking a fight without meaning to, but the shield in
front of us is Jesus and HE HAS ALREADY WON. So when we see radars and
battleships alongside a line of pictures of orphans….well I guess you could say
it is just one more circumstance where Jesus is giving us His battle orders and
we jump in.
By the way, we researched to determine what show was actually on the TV the night
I called Cory. From what we can tell, it was a program about Amelia Earhart and
how she desperately tried to radio for help and was lost. Oh, there are so many
Amelia’s who are flying solo into loss and despair, gloom and depression, pride
and self preservation. The list goes on. Then, there are those like our little
Amelia, our next Amelia, who are orphaned and seemingly without hope. But we
know the author of Hope and He has written it on our hearts to find her. And so
we begin, to find Amelia.
