Grace in the morning!

Just a quick post as we have traveled again today and we have all finally hit the wall!!  We finished up our last portion of a day in Beijing with a relaxing morning involving UNO games in the hotel lobby, watching a very interesting kung fu show with fierce girl ninjas (thus Claire was entertained) to discover that the kids were not amused with their Mom and Dad's subtitle interpretations!  We also discovered that Starbucks IS NOT the same all over the world.  One sip of Dad's coffee and it was poured out!

We left Beijing airport (which is gigantic and beautiful) and flew to the middle of China in Xi'an.  We arrived in the dark and already there is a different feel and a little bit more of a language barrier.  We have experienced those little glitches in the road that we have read and heard about in adoption and we trust that they will be resolved in the morning.  (Room reservations and orphanage money)  Little glitches that can easily be resolved but I confess that the feeling I have is a great need to have everything in order before tomorrow morning.  Similar to giving birth I think but somehow very different; this mom's heart to make getting Grace in my arms as smooth as possible.  I honestly have so many emotions tonight...excitement, nervousness, anticipation, a little scared, happy...all of them just swirling.  I think because I am such a home body, I could easily just get her tomorrow and hop on a plane to come back home.  We can't because of paperwork, but I am homesick tonight for familiar surroundings and for my family and friends and most heart tugging, for sweet William.



So, tonight we will all sleep very soon to be rested for tomorrow.  I have no idea what to expect but take comfort in the fact that there is probably not a "right" way to feel about all of this.  Last night, we all slept very well, but I awoke around 4am with jet lag.  It gave me a couple of hours to pray and peacefully rest while hearing the steady breathing of Cory and the kids.  At one point, I just needed to be near to Father God and to start handing over the burdens on my heart.  I had been praying for a little while, but needed to cast my cares because like a good Dad, He understood my mom's heart but looked upon me as His daughter.  Such a comfort in the stillness of the early morning as I drew near and took off the heavy yoke for His.  That I could be vulnerable and go to the only source of strength for motherhood that I know.  That I could willingly admit my inadequacy and inability to parent 4 children and not mess them up!  That I could be honest before the God of the Universe, be loved and rest in the knowledge that He loves me and loves them too.  Like a perfect Father.

So, tomorrow morning I see my little girl.  I want her to like me, I want her to feel safe and I want her to know that I love her.   I want her to like Cory, to trust him and I want her to giggle at Carter and Claire and want to play with them.  A tall order that may take time.  We have parented long enough to know that there are seasons that you walk your children through.  Tomorrow morning begins one of those seasons.  Please pray for all of us as we bond and meet for the first time.  Please pray for all of the details that make us a little anxious.  A crazy strange thing to "have a baby" in a foreign country.  So strange to this nesting woman that I am.   The heart is a funny thing...usually on target for me when it concerns the well being of someone else.   Our hearts have been all over the place...confident, scared, asking "What are we doing?" yet knowing "For such this time.."  Ultimately, you can't really 100% trust your heart.  Your spirit...that's another story.  When I get still, it is my spirit that rings out true.  A resounding yes to tomorrow no matter what it looks like with a resounding love that is far greater than my capacity.  The Spirit of God is always steady, always peaceful and always true.  Our prayer is that tomorrow is those things and that love grows deeper by the minute.   We will update as soon as we are able to share thought and pics of Gotcha Day!  Happy Birthday Dad...we will be celebrating with your new granddaughter!